SHOCKING NEWS- Jaden Beck Johnson

(ultrasound picture from today....it is a little distorted because if the baby moves it kind of distorts the picture and all he wanted to do today was suck his hand....so so sweet. We have a picture of Colton around this same time and they look very very similar!!! Love this little baby Jaden!!!)


Wow! Wow! Wow! This has been quite the rollercoaster ride and quite different from the ride we have been on with my other three boys. I am having a hard time writing this post because I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the information I received today about 1:30 p.m. We had been to the doctor early this morning anticipating the fact that Tuesday or Wednesday we would start the whole transfusion process again with this new baby boy. My emotions have been all over the place since last Wednesday when our baby boy decided to walk the line of transfusion level. I have been an emotional wreck, yet trying to be brave and face whatever comes what may with the faith I entered into this whole pregnancy with. This morning was shocking to me because while the baby has jumped up the last few weeks, this time he actually stayed the same and in some of the tests went a little down. I wanted to be excited but my brain is so confused. This is so different from our other babies....I just haven't been able to decide how to react anymore.







I came home and decided that since I wasn't going to be having a transfusion tomorrow that I might as well attack the house cleaning that was so desperately needed..haha!! The phone rang about 1:30 and I could hear the call was from our hospital and so Dallin ran and grabbed the phone and I could hear a woman on the other line. Dallin handed me the phone. It was our doctor that we met with this morning. You see, this morning she only had a part of our amnio back and didn't expect our other part...the important part to be back until later this week. When I got on she said who it was and I could just hear the excitement in her voice. She told me that she had received the results from the other half of the amnio and that she couldn't wait a second to call me. THE RESULTS: Our baby boy tested negative for all of the antigens that Greg has passed on to all of our other boys!!







At this point I am so confused?!? As I am sure you are! I have felt like an expert in this area...up to this point. It doesn't make sense! So I asked the same question I KNOW you are asking!! Why are his brain dopplers going up. The only explanation both doctors can tell me is that they are false positives and that this baby cannot be anemic from the antigens because he doesn't have them!! She told me that I should know that she believes someone is watching out for us from above because the chance that this baby would be negative for ALL 3 ANTIGENS...each having a 50/50 chance of being passed on....is quite amazing. We talked for a few minutes with pure excitement and what I call SHOCKED EMOTIONS!!







I talked with my regular specialist just barely....he is in Florida on vacation...and I was able to ask him all of my doubts. My heart wants to be able to just scream with excitement but because we have been all over the place there is that seed of doubt I am experiencing...Greg is as well. I wanted to make sure that there couldn't have been a mixup with our test and someone else's seeing that it had to be sent to Wisconsin to be tested. He assured me that they not only sent the amniotic fluid but they sent mine and Greg's blood with it to be tested against. He was 100% positive this was accurate.







I want to thank everyone for their prayers and their concern on our baby boys behalf. Please continue to pray as we know this pregnancy has been a roller coaster...I am afraid to believe it is over yet. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to a loving Father in Heaven who has stayed by my side during this whole process....who allowed me to second guess him over and over again. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome as far as the antigens go and I am humbled by this news. I don't know why this pregnancy rode this roller coaster when he doesn't even have the antigens but I KNOW it has made me even more grateful for this happy happy news!! Oh Happy DAY!!!!!!







Love you all!!

They say it's your birthday!!!

EFY is here!! Or I guess we should say...is almost gone. It is Thursday....Greg and I have been directing EFY all week at BYU. I love EFY...what an experience. Really, I am just a sidekick to my talented husband and through the week I continue to be inspired by him and by the youth of the church. I am one lucky girl to get to be married to the man of my dreams and to get to participate in one of the greatest youth programs of our church!!! I LOVE EFY!!!

This year we requested to do EFY early, knowing that this pregnancy would most likely be an issue later on in the summer. We made EFY in the knick of time. Yesterday was indeed my birthday. I had my weekly appointment scheduled for my birthday....(horrible timing but indeed out of my hands). I always have such mixed feelings going into these appointments because while I love to see my beautiful son, I HATE hate HATE the anxiety that comes with each appointment. Yesterday was no exception. The last couple of weeks have brought much anxiety and disappointment as the reality of our situation sinks in. He has jumped leaps and bounds over the last couple of weeks and where we were just in the D range a couple of weeks ago, he was at the top of the B range yesterday. He jumped 10 points in one week. As the technician did the first round of Brain dopplers and I looked at the scores I couldn't help the tears that started to pour from my eyes. I am helpless. I see my sweet little baby, his heart beating and his darling little body kicking and moving all around and realize how quickly things have turned for the worst. I am no stranger to this...and I know I willingly signed up for this, but I can't help the heartache it causes as I realize what a challenge the next little while is going to be to try to save my baby from my body killing him. I can't help but feel guilty that it is my body that is destroying his life, YET it is with every fiber of my being that I love this child of mine.

Our doctor came into the room and I realize that he is almost as upset as us. He is concerned and worried and I see the panic written all over his face. I think to myself, that I must be strong. He is not LDS and he has commented on our faith...I must be strong. He has witnessed miracles with us and he must not see me defeated. Yet, I feel so weak at this point.....so helpless. The whole time we were there I kept picturing my other boys...but especially Colton, as I realize that this little boy is just like Colton. All I want to do is hug my Colton to regain that reassurance...to realize that miracles happen and that we can succeed. It is a miracle that we got pregnant and it is a miracle that this little boy made it to 26 weeks. I kept playing in my mind the promise I made with my Heavenly Father. I promised that I would go through everything I did with Colton, IF this baby could just make it to 26 weeks. Heavenly Father clearly held up his end of the bargain and here I am...I WILL hold up my end of the bargain as well. I never thought another baby with this horrible disease would ever make it past 20 weeks...and it did. There is a miracle in that.

Our doctors and all of his staff were scrambling to call all of the necessary people to get the ball rolling. We met in his office and he came into explain his thoughts. We would proceed to do the amnio at that point and draw both mine and Greg's blood. He felt horrilbe that I had to do those on my birthday....I could have cared less!!...the birthday was already dumb!! :) We decided that we would wait until Monday to start the process of the steroid shots. They were on the phone with the blood bank alerting them to be looking for blood for the baby and for myself. The lab back East was being contacted to be made aware that our amnio samples were on there way and that they needed to be tested immediately. This process may take up to a week and we need those results by at least Monday. The downer...our doctor was leaving town for 11 days. All, of the sudden I felt as though I was back in time....this is the same thing that happened with Colton. We will now depend on another doctor...who is completely capable..but who doesn't hold the bond we do with our doctor.

I don't care to relive yesterday....yet I find I am anxious for tomorrow. What does it bring? I am so scared yet I am reminded of each the experiences and answers we recieved to get us to this place. In December when I got my final answer, I remember the story of the Lord calling to Peter to walk to him on the water and it gave me strength....I again am reminded of that story and I realize that I am in the midst of the waves and the strong winds and I WILL NOT SINK....I WILL NOT TURN AWAY FROM THE LORD! I do not know the outcome, but I do know that the Lord is aware and I find peace in that thought more than I can describe.

I realize why I love to be pregnant....I never feel closer to the Lord than when I carry these sweet spirits and it is at this time that I feel completly dependant on him. Please pray for our son and for me to have the strength to endure!!

Love you all!!