Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The little things do reproduce!
So just an update on the whole bee situation. I stopped by my moms last night to, um, well, to borrow a bra because we were going up to a soccer game and mine broke at dinner and the wire was piercing my armpit and seeing as though we live in the boonies...yeah well anyways the whole bra dilemma could be a post in itself. So on to the bee story. As I opened the door to leave my mom's I saw something quite wierd. I said to my mom, "What in the world is that thing?" It was kind of sitting in one main spot kind of flying back and forth in that main little area in front of her door. Well, to my disgust we finally looked really close and saw that it was two bees hooked together. Yes, they were mating and multiplying right in front of my eyse. Oh, what? You think it is a coincedence. Ridiculous! Those little bees saw me coming and said, "Let's mock that lady and show her that we are procreating and building up our army to attack her." Out of all the times they could have chosen to do that. And right out there in the open...right at the front door when I am leaving!!! My mom and I were laughing so hard. The only advantage of seeing this appauling thing was that I had a free run to my car. They were a little preoccupied!!! Sorry this post was rated PG-28!!!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Who's afraid of the big bad......bee! Um, I am !!
So obviously I have not a lot going on in my life if I decide to blog about one of my biggest fears. The "bee family"...aka, the hornet, the wasp, the bee...anything that chases me and wants to hurt me! I have something to admit, for those who don't know me. Yes, I am afraid of scary people, of monsters, of spiders, of anything that could harm me, but I am terrified of bees. I have found that as I grow older the fear only gets worse. Have I ever been stung you are wondering..??.... No I haven't and maybe that is the fear but the other part of the fear is that bees want my body! I know, sounds pretty vain right, but they freakin want me!
So, my family makes fun of me because of this fear but in the last two years whenever I go to my moms house, a bee immediately is there to greet me. Call it service, but I hate it. No one believed me. My mom finally said, "Look I will go out there and I will prove that there is no bee." So she went out there and stood for like ten minutes walking around her front yard. She comes in and says, "See, no bee" and I say oh yea, I will sacrifice myself and prove it. The second I step out on the front porch...."HELLO, the freakin bee is in my face." I of course embarass her by running like a screaming child back into the house. So point made. Then one day we were laughing about it and my brother and his wife were there and they walked us out to the car. I was sitting with my window rolled down and "wham, the bee comes at me. I swat it away and get my window rolled up. But the bee is now sacrificing himself and ramming into the window. Witnesses were there. No joke we drove off and the bee stayed attached to that window for the entire block. Now a family joke!!!!! Four witnesses..my mom, my dad, my brother, his wife and then of course those who live with me and deal with this fear on a daily basis. Could I have Greg, Dallin, Alex and Colton please stand! Let's give them a hand.
Well, the year passed and I thought, let it snow all year because bees don't bother me in the snow..hopefully they freeze to death..... Well, I must tell you that that stupid bee didn't freeze or he/she passed the obssession onto a relative because once again I am the only one at that house who is being attacked! Greg and my mom had to convince me to come to the car last week because I so maturely ran screaming back into my moms house when the bee found me. Sad, when your children have to say, "Mom just say Shew!" Glad it works for them but it doesn't work for me. So, why do we have bees...oh, I think we have some honey fans out there...not I. I hate honey. I was in total shock when I read in the newspaper that there was a shortage of bees. Boo hoo, who freakin cares. I seriously wouldn't care a bit. Greg says that honey is Gods candy. What? Now if those bees were poppin out hot tamales or swedish fish then I could handle an obsessed bee here and there but not for honey. I refuse to lay down and be stung for honey. I have decided that I must just smell really sweet because maybe some of my high school friends will remember Fred. Oh, "who is that" I here? That was only my pet fruit fly. He took up residence in my space. I swear wherever I went, Fred came too which is why I finally named him. It was quite annoying at first, but I came to realize that Fred didn't sting our bite and that whenever I was talking to myself and someone caught me that I could say I was just a talkin to Fred. Fred still visits every now and then but I think he is terrified of the bee and keeps his distance.
I have been known, although, I will deny it if authorities came a knockin, to leave my small children in their carseats at Costco,...in the parking lot,...while I have been running from attacking bees. I did come to my senses and realized that the poor innocent child...with a feeding tube...was probably also being attacked by the bees. So I sacrified and chased those mean bees away and got my children safely in the car while the bees were still attacking me. When I finally got in the car... I realized that I left my coke on the front hood of the car. You know it is a fear when you are willing to leave the coke on the hood of the car and just drive away and watch as it falls off. If anyone else has noticed, Costco is not only popular with humans but also with bees. Seriously..look around next time you are there.
So, small creatures like me. Some may say it is because I stink, but then you don't know me very well and the fact that I have an obsession with deo. and smelling good. So, for all of those who make fun of me day after day about being terrified of bees..don't come to my funeral when I die from a bee sting!!!
So, my family makes fun of me because of this fear but in the last two years whenever I go to my moms house, a bee immediately is there to greet me. Call it service, but I hate it. No one believed me. My mom finally said, "Look I will go out there and I will prove that there is no bee." So she went out there and stood for like ten minutes walking around her front yard. She comes in and says, "See, no bee" and I say oh yea, I will sacrifice myself and prove it. The second I step out on the front porch...."HELLO, the freakin bee is in my face." I of course embarass her by running like a screaming child back into the house. So point made. Then one day we were laughing about it and my brother and his wife were there and they walked us out to the car. I was sitting with my window rolled down and "wham, the bee comes at me. I swat it away and get my window rolled up. But the bee is now sacrificing himself and ramming into the window. Witnesses were there. No joke we drove off and the bee stayed attached to that window for the entire block. Now a family joke!!!!! Four witnesses..my mom, my dad, my brother, his wife and then of course those who live with me and deal with this fear on a daily basis. Could I have Greg, Dallin, Alex and Colton please stand! Let's give them a hand.
Well, the year passed and I thought, let it snow all year because bees don't bother me in the snow..hopefully they freeze to death..... Well, I must tell you that that stupid bee didn't freeze or he/she passed the obssession onto a relative because once again I am the only one at that house who is being attacked! Greg and my mom had to convince me to come to the car last week because I so maturely ran screaming back into my moms house when the bee found me. Sad, when your children have to say, "Mom just say Shew!" Glad it works for them but it doesn't work for me. So, why do we have bees...oh, I think we have some honey fans out there...not I. I hate honey. I was in total shock when I read in the newspaper that there was a shortage of bees. Boo hoo, who freakin cares. I seriously wouldn't care a bit. Greg says that honey is Gods candy. What? Now if those bees were poppin out hot tamales or swedish fish then I could handle an obsessed bee here and there but not for honey. I refuse to lay down and be stung for honey. I have decided that I must just smell really sweet because maybe some of my high school friends will remember Fred. Oh, "who is that" I here? That was only my pet fruit fly. He took up residence in my space. I swear wherever I went, Fred came too which is why I finally named him. It was quite annoying at first, but I came to realize that Fred didn't sting our bite and that whenever I was talking to myself and someone caught me that I could say I was just a talkin to Fred. Fred still visits every now and then but I think he is terrified of the bee and keeps his distance.
I have been known, although, I will deny it if authorities came a knockin, to leave my small children in their carseats at Costco,...in the parking lot,...while I have been running from attacking bees. I did come to my senses and realized that the poor innocent child...with a feeding tube...was probably also being attacked by the bees. So I sacrified and chased those mean bees away and got my children safely in the car while the bees were still attacking me. When I finally got in the car... I realized that I left my coke on the front hood of the car. You know it is a fear when you are willing to leave the coke on the hood of the car and just drive away and watch as it falls off. If anyone else has noticed, Costco is not only popular with humans but also with bees. Seriously..look around next time you are there.
So, small creatures like me. Some may say it is because I stink, but then you don't know me very well and the fact that I have an obsession with deo. and smelling good. So, for all of those who make fun of me day after day about being terrified of bees..don't come to my funeral when I die from a bee sting!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)