...and the walls come back up!!

I should really hold off on posting this until my emotions decide to come back to their reasonable state!!! We just returned from our 23 week appointment. The positives: The baby is darling. Today we got to see him swallow over and over and stick his tongue out....it looked as though he was trying to communicate with us. This was a lot of fun to see. He is a great size. He is measuring about 5 days bigger than his due date and they estimate he is about 1 pound 5 ounces. Today our wonderful doctor had an intern with him and so he was walking her through the ultrasounds and so it was fun to have an even more thorough ultrasound...I had to laugh though because he said to her...."Becky is an expert at ultrasounds and can read them faster than I can....." What can I say....I missed my calling in life...OR....I have had to many ultrasounds in my life!! The baby is very active and so far everything about him looks wonderfully amazing and I love him more than I can describe.

The negative:.....duh, duh, dunnnnnn! Today was the day I have been dreading since I found out I was pregnant. I think I was prepared to have these emotions 5 weeks ago and then we had such positive results that I have been riding this high for the past 5 weeks. I look at this as a positive too. I promised Heavenly Father that I would go through all of this again if we could just get him to the point where he could be transfused.....it looks as though he held up on his part of the bargain! The past few ultrasounds were territory we have never crossed before. We have never had a baby go down away from transfusion level....it was a high I have been enjoying more than I can explain. TODAY, the baby's level jumped up. While this will make no sense to most humans, his score started at a 28 on his 18 week appointment. This put us in the B range. From there he has gone down and our last ultrasound he was a 24/25 ish. This put him in the D range. We have never been in D range with any of our babies. Think of the chart as a growth chart. The A-D range isn't a straight line across...it curves up along the chart. Today the baby had readings between 30-32 putting him back up into the middle of C. While this is good he is still in C....it does mean that he jumped 5-8 points in two weeks....that is a lot and I can't help feel a little defeated today. Tomorrow I can start being optimistic again,...BUT today those emotions that never came 5 weeks ago are here and I am afraid the pessimist in me is winning out. Whew. I am scared. I can't deny it. I have been here...I know what comes next....BUT I have also witnessed miracles and I have complete faith in my Father in Heaven.

Soooo....here we are., and again, I write most of this down for me to remember. I understand it is quite confusing to most. Trust me...I wish I wasn't quite an expert in this area, BUT I am, and I am grateful that there is a way for my baby's to receive the help they need. What a gift.

Please keep the little guy in your prayers!!! Mwah!!! Love you all!!